Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Panic followed by a calm focus

Have you ever had that moment where everything standing in front of you just hit you like a ton of bricks?  I had that moment last night. 

After writing my blog about swimwear, I started looking at the calendar.  I'm a planner by nature.  I'm obsessive and some would say a little overbearing when it comes to planning and scheduling.  It's worse when it's something big and something I'm really looking forward to doing.  Last time I went to Europe I couldn't help but doing something trip-related every day leading up to my departure.  I did research on places to go.  I actively tracked the exchange rate.  I tracked weather as far out as possible.  I asked questions on message boards.  I even went as far as going to Google Earth and looking at all the places I was going so I could see the lay of the land.  It's pretty similar to how I'm approaching the Ironman.  I'm obsessive to a fault.  I've watched course videos, researched maps, read race reports, surfed every message board topic thread I could find, looked at every training plan I can get my hands on, and even put together a list of things I need to accomplish/acquire the next 8 months.  Overboard?  Perhaps.  The odd thing is that I guess it never has hit me how hard this is going to be until last night.  Sure, I've written about how it's going to be a long road.  I've written my apologies for future behavior.  I've even said numerous times how ready I am for the challenge.  Was it all coach speak?  Maybe.  It just hit me like a ton of bricks last night what I'm actually getting myself into this year.  I had the training plans in front of me.  I started looking at the schedules and worrying about how I was going to fit it all in.  I started trying to think how it was going to be physically possible to pull this off.  I worried about injuries.  I worried about burnout.  I worried about letting people down.  I started worrying about the swim and the whole "no wetsuit" thing: no crutch to lean on in the water.  I started worrying about the hills (probably from the obsessive course-video watching).  I started worrying about the heat.  I couldn't fathom putting it all together on race day in a hot, hilly environment for 12+ hours.  It just all came rushing into my head.  "What am I getting myself into?"  "You're nuts!"  "Who put you up to this?"  "How are you going to do this?"   All these questions were swirling in my head.  Then, out of nowhere, a calm came over me.  I looked myself in the mirror and said : "You will do this!"  That's all it took.  I was ready.  The brief panic attack led me to a place of focus.  I now actually do feel ready.  Time to get to work.

1 comment:

  1. "Failing to plan is planning to fail". I have this quote hanging at my desk at work. I think it applies here. You'll do just fine.