Have you ever had that moment where everything standing in front of you just hit you like a ton of bricks? I had that moment last night.
After writing my blog about swimwear, I started looking at the calendar. I'm a planner by nature. I'm obsessive and some would say a little overbearing when it comes to planning and scheduling. It's worse when it's something big and something I'm really looking forward to doing. Last time I went to Europe I couldn't help but doing something trip-related every day leading up to my departure. I did research on places to go. I actively tracked the exchange rate. I tracked weather as far out as possible. I asked questions on message boards. I even went as far as going to Google Earth and looking at all the places I was going so I could see the lay of the land. It's pretty similar to how I'm approaching the Ironman. I'm obsessive to a fault. I've watched course videos, researched maps, read race reports, surfed every message board topic thread I could find, looked at every training plan I can get my hands on, and even put together a list of things I need to accomplish/acquire the next 8 months. Overboard? Perhaps. The odd thing is that I guess it never has hit me how hard this is going to be until last night. Sure, I've written about how it's going to be a long road. I've written my apologies for future behavior. I've even said numerous times how ready I am for the challenge. Was it all coach speak? Maybe. It just hit me like a ton of bricks last night what I'm actually getting myself into this year. I had the training plans in front of me. I started looking at the schedules and worrying about how I was going to fit it all in. I started trying to think how it was going to be physically possible to pull this off. I worried about injuries. I worried about burnout. I worried about letting people down. I started worrying about the swim and the whole "no wetsuit" thing: no crutch to lean on in the water. I started worrying about the hills (probably from the obsessive course-video watching). I started worrying about the heat. I couldn't fathom putting it all together on race day in a hot, hilly environment for 12+ hours. It just all came rushing into my head. "What am I getting myself into?" "You're nuts!" "Who put you up to this?" "How are you going to do this?" All these questions were swirling in my head. Then, out of nowhere, a calm came over me. I looked myself in the mirror and said : "You will do this!" That's all it took. I was ready. The brief panic attack led me to a place of focus. I now actually do feel ready. Time to get to work.